Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
