don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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