walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
