if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
