meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
well most of my day revolves around power hour
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
