that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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