At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
