Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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