sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
