i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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