Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
