you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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