the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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