I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sober January is a disaster.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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