she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
