his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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