Umm I'm too high to move.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
