I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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