ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
