i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
