By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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