Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
