Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
