We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
