The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
