Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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