Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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