My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I want her autograph on my taint
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
