Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
