Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Less talking, more tequila
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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