Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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