you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
