Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
