What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
