it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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