I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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