you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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