i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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