I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
