508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
