Your tits are I can't wait for
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
