also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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