Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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