Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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