Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
