after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
