I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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