He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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