I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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