Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
