You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
