I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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