I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
