shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
