Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
