I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
