All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
