This girl is more easily done than said...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
