she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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