He had one of those small greek statue penises
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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