I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
