my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
