Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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