Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
