Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
