The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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