i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
